My Story of Redemption
Without Christ, my life was reduced to earning favor of man and God, by what I could accomplish for myself. I saw approval from parents, friends teachers by being good enough, Yet I knew that I lived in shame, because I recognized that I was not good enough. I sensed my unworthiness, because deep down, I knew that I desired my will, and my selfishness was evident in relationships around me.
Because of Christ, he sent to me a best friend at age eleven. Her family loved Jesus and lived out his calling in their family to seek and save their neighbors through kindness, love and invitation to their church. I began attending youth group with my friend, and through a message from the youth pastor learned that Jesus desired a relationship with me, and it wasn't based on my performance but instead on his love. I remember echoing his prayer at the end of his message, scared of what hell would be like if I did not follow Christ. I did not yet know what my life with Christ would look like, but I saw this family's faith and believed I wanted that in my life. Like 1 John 5, I gratefully received their family's testimony of faith pointing to Jesus, the son of God who saves us from hell unto eternal life.
But, as God would ordain, my faith in Christ would have ample opportunity to be tested. He would be proven trustworthy. As I became enthusiastic about my new life structure of attending Church and new faith-filled friends, my physical body began to show signs of distress. My pediatrician diagnosed me with early-onset Chronic Systemic Lupus. My kidneys and joints were very sick and intensive treatment would be required to prevent long-term damage. I began large dose steroid treatment and left school for monthly chemotherapy infusions. I was in sixth grade and gained substantial weight from the prednisone doses and I was nauseous from the chemotherapy.
My best friend showed up when I returned from my many appointments and visited me as I lay in my room offering prayer and encouragement. She was a picture of Christs love and care for me and one of the few people I trusted to know this "secret" I was hiding from other classmates. I was so embarrassed of my illness because I was terrified of being different. It didn't bother her. She knew I didn't ask to be sick or want to feel different from everyone else. She would ride her bike over to me and stayed with me when I was too sick to play outside.
Without realizing it at the time, God used her to be hands and feet of Christ living out his calling on her life to love and encourage her neighbor. God was with me. She would bring me treats that I couldn’t eat, but her thoughtfulness reminded me that God thought of me. She would write me encouraging notes quoting God’s scripture. God was encouraging me. She would show up in my room on a Friday night when everyone else was making plans showing me that God was present with me always. I prayed often for healing, to be rid of the suffering of sickness and more doctor appointments. God answered my prayers, but in a much more sufficient way. Instead of physical healing, he offered me eternal healing.
My illness was not what defined me. For as much time and energy as it took from me, I refused to acknowledge it if I didn’t need to. I began to see that my identity was rooted in the family of God, in the covenant of relationships with other sisters and brothers in Christ. And I began to desire to see my covenant relationship with God transfer over into my family’s life, too. It started to affect how I spent my free time, what games I played, who I chose to date, which parties I would attend, how I wrote my class papers, how I treated my siblings, with how much care I put into my schoolwork and athletics. My life became an outpouring of worship and it was radically different from what my parents were used to. They agreed to attend church where I had been going, although it wasn’t of the same denomination we had been raised or baptized. For years, on and off, they continued to go long after I had left home for college, or to get married and move away. My siblings began attending youth group and their lives were similarly changed because of this good news of the Gospel.
God seeks us. He chose me. He sent my friend to model His love. He uses his children to be obedient to the call and share the covenantal life with one another. Am I using this free gift of grace to share it with those around me?
