I also feel like my husband feels this pressure to deliver some fantastic experience for me -- and then usually a day or two before, I stumble upon his plans and when all begins to unravel, I'm left holding the pieces and feeling so ... Uncelebrated.
Which, truly, who am I to be celebrated in the first place? I suck. I yell at my kids. I snap at my husband. I'm disappointed in everyone and everything all the time. I damage expensive property. I lose things. I'm clumsy. I'm moody. My attempts at being a light in the darkness usually turn into me asking some stranger for forgiveness because I was being judgmental or gossipy. I'm a control freak. I'm truly a hot mess.
I can understand why someone given an invitation to celebrate such an unworthy human might want to pass. I certainly don't even like myself enough right now to want to be celebrated. But I think that is why it hurts so much when the RSVPs roll in: "No Thanks." All my feelings of unworthiness and yucky-ness are all confirmed. I feel worthless. Insufficient. Stupid. Silly. Vain. Intolerable. High maintenance and insecure all at once.
Now, those are my FEELings. I know the truth. I have Gods word. He tells me I am worth more. That I am more valued than I can imagine. I know that He sent his most valued, perfect, Holy and righteous, beloved Son to die, not for someone worthy, but for me, a crazy, psychotic, emotionally high maintenance control freak sinner. I AM valuable. I better believe it; otherwise, I completely devalue the sacrifice made on my behalf.
Thank you, Farher God for treasuring me when I don't even treasure myself. Help me to live out your love so that my children will see how valuable they are. I pray that they will know that even though we are all undeserving, you gave us a gift beyond measure.